Actress and author Alexa PenaVega knows grief can make even a simple phone call feel impossible.
“If you’ve ever experienced somebody who’s going through grief, literally just show up at their door because more than likely they’re not going to call you and say, ‘I need someone right now,’” PenaVega told podcast host Sazan Hendrix in an interview released Aug. 26.
PenaVega spoke from experience. After she and her husband, actor and singer Carlos PenaVega, lost their fourth child, Indy, in 2024, she pulled back and spoke with few people.
“I didn’t even know that I needed people,” she said.
People did not wait for instructions. They arrived at the family’s door, cared for the PenaVegas’ three older children, cooked meals and washed dishes — ordinary chores that gave a hurting family room to breathe.
“It was the people who literally just showed up at my door, and they’re like, ‘We’re not leaving; we’re here; we’re taking the kids; we’re cooking for you; we’re doing your dishes,’” PenaVega recalled.
Related: Alexa PenaVega Chronicles Grief and God’s Presence in New Book
The PenaVegas announced in April 2024 that Indy had been stillborn after what they described as a beautiful and peaceful delivery. They said prayers from their community had been sustaining in that difficult season.
In the new interview, PenaVega said grief reaches beyond death. The end of a job, relationship or season can also arrive abruptly and leave someone struggling to name what she needs.
That is why the SPY KIDS star’s advice is so disarmingly practical: show up first, then serve. A meal, a load of dishes or a few hours with the children can say what polished words cannot.
PenaVega also credited daily prayer with preparing her to lean on God. She said the difficult pregnancy had already driven her to pray every day, so when she and Carlos lost Indy, they were not beginning their walk with God from scratch.
The morning after the delivery, PenaVega told Carlos that she needed to attend church. The congregation did not know what had happened, but members gathered around the couple and prayed while they wept and worshiped.
“I don’t know why, but I know I have to worship. Like, I have to worship right now, and I can’t not,” PenaVega remembered telling her husband.
Their experience now anchors Joy Isn’t Canceled: What Grief Taught Us About Pain, Peace, and Purpose, a forthcoming book that moves between Alexa and Carlos’ perspectives. Publisher Nelson Books says the couple explores how worship carried them when words failed and how community arrived before they knew how to ask for help.
In a joint statement to PEOPLE about the book, they said Indy’s life had drawn them closer as a couple and family, closer to their community and closer to God. They are raising sons Ocean and Kingston and daughter Rio.
PenaVega’s counsel does not pretend a casserole can fix sorrow. It recognizes something quieter and more faithful: people in pain may not know how to reach out, so love walks to the door — and stays. Sometimes compassion looks less like an answer and more like presence.
Read Next: Alexa PenaVega Has ‘So Much Peace’ After Daughter’s Stillbirth
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