Actress and author Alexa PenaVega is making room for laughter and tears as she continues to grieve her daughter Indy, without treating a joyful day as proof that the loss no longer hurts.
“And even though we’re good, I will always long to have her here,” she said.
PenaVega joined her husband, actor and singer Carlos PenaVega, for an episode of the “Couple Things” podcast released Oct. 21. Her remarks hold together two experiences that can seem contradictory to people outside a grieving family: finding happiness in daily life and continuing to miss a child.
The couple announced in April 2024 that Indy, their fourth child, was stillborn. TODAY reported that they shared the news on April 15, without disclosing the date of her delivery; the actors have been married since 2014.
In their joint Instagram announcement at the time, the PenaVegas described grief arriving in waves, with devastating moments alongside gratitude for the time they had with their daughter. They also credited God with comforting them and described the prayers of their community as sustaining them through that season.
Related: Alexa PenaVega Chronicles Grief and God’s Presence in New Book
The announcement addressed their daughter by her full name, Indy Rex PenaVega, and remembered her dark hair and resemblance to her father. The parents wrote about how she had changed their lives and brought them a community they had longed for, even amid the pain of losing her.
Their faith didn’t come with a tidy explanation for their loss. The couple acknowledged that they did not understand why the loss had happened and might never have those answers, even as they expressed love for Indy and gratitude for the community around them.
“So there’s still going to be funny things that happen throughout the day,” Alexa said in the podcast conversation.
In the same conversation, Alexa also spoke about allowing grief to surface rather than suppressing it. Her acknowledgment of funny moments sits alongside that openness about sadness, not in place of it.
“I just let it happen instead of like bottling it up,” she said.
Her words describe her own response, rather than a timetable for another parent’s grief. The National Health Service’s bereavement guidance explains that loss affects people differently, that powerful feelings can arrive unexpectedly and that people do not necessarily experience the commonly described stages of grief in a particular order.
The PenaVegas also explore their experience in Joy Isn’t Canceled: What Grief Taught Us About Pain, Peace, and Purpose. Publisher Nelson Books describes a book that alternates between the spouses’ perspectives on grief, their marriage and family life.
According to the publisher’s description, the couple write about worship when words failed and community support that arrived before they knew how to ask for help. Those themes also appeared in their original announcement, when they shared their pain publicly while thanking the people praying for them.
The family includes their three older children, Ocean, Kingston and Rio. Alexa’s podcast remarks allow room for happiness within that continuing family life while making clear that she still wants Indy with them; the two feelings do not cancel each other out.
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