Phil Wickham has penned and sung music about God’s grace for nearly 20-years now, but sometimes, he still feels like he has to earn it.
“I still can get caught up in a merit-based relationship with God,” he admitted in an interview with Relevant Magazine. “I can still get caught up that I need to check a bunch of boxes of doing for God before He’s happy with me, before He really wants my worship, before He really will hear my prayers.”
Wickham continued: “I get caught up with wanting to prove to myself and to God and to others that I’m worthy of love and value. I can get caught up in this idea that God is a judge up in the sky, wanting me to do right when I all those things, you know. That’s like my, that’s what I default back to when I don’t have a clear vision of Jesus.”
Wickham guesses that mindset began when he was a child.
“Maybe I grew up thinking that because of some things people said to me in the church when I grew up,” he reflected.
Ultimately, though, he knows the truth, and the Christian artist has to remind himself that God “doesn’t have a chalkboard up there. He’s not Santa Claus making a list. God delights in our presence and our attention.”
Related: Phil Wickham Calls It ‘An Honor’ to Cover This Classic Worship Song
Wickham is about to go on tour with Chandler Moore and Jamie McDonald for the Songs of the Saints Tour.
The three artists will begin their journey in Fairfax, Virginia, on Sept. 16 and finish next month in Ontario, Canada. Out of 16 nights, half of those are already sold out or nearly sold out.
Aside from creating music, Wickham wrote a book, Everyday Hallelujah: Unlocking Deep Joy Through Everyday Acts of Worship, where he helps readers to “see worship not as a Sunday-morning ritual but as a way of life, a way to receive and give God’s grace and to celebrate his faithfulness.”
Last month, The New York Times listed Everyday Hallelujah as a bestseller.
“Thank you so much to everyone who bought the book, shared it with others and helped spread the message. I just keep thinking about how many people are going to see a book about Jesus on this list and maybe hear this message for the first time,” Wickham wrote on social media.
While Wickham still struggles with the idea of having to earn God’s grace, he knows there’s nothing he could do to earn it.
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