Carlos and Alexa PenaVega shared this tip for reframing a people-pleasing nature.
“It all ultimately comes down to, ‘I want them to like me. I want you to be happy around me,’” Carlos said on an episode of the “LEXLOS” podcast. “It’s a lot of work, and it’s exhausting. Sometimes, you’ve just got to let someone be in their thing. You can be kind, you can be nice — I’m learning this. I don’t have to people-please.”
Alexa agreed, saying that, while you should always lead with kindness, “You don’t have to cater to [others’] emotions.”
“Change [your mindset] to, ‘I just want them to feel loved.’ It’s not your job to change them. I just want them to feel loved,” she explained. “You’re still going to operate in who you are, but it won’t come from a people-pleasing place. You won’t go overboard.”
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Alexa has previously spoken about her struggle to stop people-pleasing.
“I fell into the people pleasing category — and that’s such a dangerous category because you can’t please everyone. You’re always going to let someone down,” she told Morning Honey in a 2023 interview. “When you live like that, it’s stressful.”
Something that helped break her out of this mindset? Becoming a parent.
“What is awesome about motherhood was that it gave me this backbone — not to be mean but instead of just going with the flow, I am going to say, ‘No, thank you’ or, ‘I am uncomfortable with that,’” Alexa explained. “I really appreciate what that has brought into my life because it’s no longer just me. Everything that comes my way will affect my family and not just me, so the three kids have given me some serious confidence.”
In another interview with The Void, the SPY KIDS actress said this need to please others was causing “massive insecurity and anxiety” at points in her life.
“I [was] so concerned about whether or not someone is having a good time or if they’re enjoying the conversation,” she said. “And I’m not really in the conversation because it’s almost like I’m watching it and critiquing it. It’s actually one of my New Year’s Resolutions this year, to go out there and not worry about what other people think. Be kind and giving, but don’t compromise who you are or the things that you want because you’re worried about pleasing other people.”
While people-pleasing isn’t an inherently bad thing, the PenaVegas’ comments are a reminder that it’s always alright to protect your own emotions.
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